The neglected sibling of a child with ADHD

My daughter was born when my son was three years old. As a newborn she needed a lot of attention and was always in my arms. My son would stand away from me and look at me with confused eyes filled with tears. He didn’t know why he was sad. He refused to talk to me. He was upset. His sad eyes always haunted me and I would handover the baby to my mother or someone else and go to him.

When he started going to school, his teachers would call me to school to say that he was a naughty kid. They said it was perhaps he was getting less attention because of his baby sister. It was not true! They said, the baby would not understand if I spent more time with my son, but he would understand. So, they said, ignore the baby. I was trying to do the balancing job. I soon realized that he needed more attention to finish his homework. When he was in class 4, it was clear that there was a problem. He was diagnosed with ADHD.

When I get back home after work, I would immediately go to my son and help him with his work. He needed all my time and his sister had to content with her grandmother teaching her. Then she started protesting and she became cranky. I realized that she was missing me very much. She was often neglected and we simply hoped she would understand that we need more time with him.

One day while I was teaching my son, she made several attempts to come near me. I asked her to go away because she would distract her brother. Later, when I was free, she came and asked me hopefully, “Can I sit on your lap for a little while?” I was simply shocked. You would not expect a small child of her age to ask her mother’s permission to sit on her lap. This really opened my eyes. Then I started teaching both of them. It is really hard, but she seems happier now. But I must admit that even now my son always gets the lion’s share of our attention.

I am sure parents of all kids with ADHD would experience this. Even without ADHD, sibling rivalry always exists, ADHD only complicates matter further.