A typical frustrating day with ADHD

Some days you simply give up trying. Today was such a day. From morning I have been trying to get my 12-year old son to sit down for studies. I had planned to teach him for a couple of hours a day so that he could catch up with his peers. Some how nothing materialised. He simply didn't respond. He was either dreaming or simply walked around. Most of the time, he was quarrelling with his sister. I had to keep repeating what I said at least four or five times for him to at least look at me. Forget about responding!

Some days are like this. Of course, he is not taking his ADHD medication during these holidays. Now I see that the medication did have some effect unlike what I thought. I wonder if other mothers of kids with ADHD also experience similar problems. Planning to visit his psychiatrist before his school reopens. Let's see what he has to say!

How people perceive kids with ADHD

Most people, including relatives and friends think a kid with ADHD is simply too naughty or lazy. And almost everyone is against medicating the child. My well meaning relatives said that the child had no problem. However, they get irritated by the child's behaviour and he is ridiculed and scolded for something over which he has no control.

People say things like why cant you listen, why cant you arrange things properly, why can't you sit quietly.... They simply fail to understand that these children may need help in keeping books according to timetable or even in packing his stuff. For many, the child simply needs spanking for being lazy. Many relatives have told me that I need to be more strict with my son to make him more desciplined.

Of course it is the parents, especially the mother who is often blamed for the child being different. I have been called to the school to meet the teachers many times because the teachers found that he could not concentrate and was distracting the class too. It's like, you are always on the receiving end and nothing seems to change for you both. I am sure it must be hard for the child too. But being kids they are somehow unable to express themselves like us. They simply can't understand why they are being targetted. But they know that we will take care of them, somehow. How I wish I could live upto that trust.

ADHD - is the psychiatrist helping your child?

I always felt my son's psychiatrist could be more helpful. I am so full of questions when I visit my son's psychiatrist. But then he seems to be only interested in discussing the dose of the drug. He says the child can actually take more. With ADHD, we should be visiting him regularly and discussing the child's progress with him. He is well meaning, but something seems to be lacking in the treatment part.

The treatment does not seem to have helped him. I am not even convinced if I should continue with his treatment. I get the feeling that even psychiatrists do not hace enough enough experience dealing with kids with ADHD. For the last three years my 13- year old son has got only poor grades. His concentration does not seem to have improved. However his activitiy level, such as excessive drumming with his fingers seems to have reduced with medication.

Since his school reopens in June, we have a couple of weeks more to decide on the medication part. May be we will look out for another psychiatrist who would see the child as a person.

No more tuitions-the pushy mom

Today was a typical day. I wanted my son, 13 year old Aditya to study for a couple of hours in the morning as his scores in the previous year were quite low. I wanted him to study from 10.00 to 12.00 in the morning. He went for a swim in the morning, came back, had his break fast and watched TV for a while. I reminded him it was 10.00 am already. He wanted to watch TV for another half an hour. Granted. He takes medication for ADHD and is now on a drug holiday as his school will reopen only in June.

At 10.30, he was irritated and was in no mood to study. Not to mention I was also irritated that every day I have push him so much just to make him sit down and look at his books, even when he has exams. As usual, his books are missing. It's always like this. His books, pens, pencils... always go missing. His teachers tell me that he is a laughing stock in his class as this happens in the class too. In spite of my tidying up his table and book shelf, he is unable to find his book. It is 12.00 noon already! Finally I find the book, which was carelessly tossed in the toys' shelf. Now he opens the book. As usual he dreams a lot, studies a little, that too with constant reminders.

I hate the idea that he has to go for tuitions as he will miss out on games in the evening. So I have stopped the tuitions. And tuitions don't seem to have helped him at all. His father and grand parents think I am making a mistake by not sending him for tuitions.

He needs a lot writing practice and this is the right time for that. I would like to teach him a couple of lessons during his holidays so that it will not be a great burden for him when the school reopens. It's like moving 10 steps and going back 5 steps. That means we are moving forward slowly, but steadily :-).

ADHD, diagnosis and revelation

A hyperactive child does not seem to be any different when he is little. He is just like any other active toddler. May be a bit too active. But you never notice that until he grows older and his peers start beaving like 8-year olds and his physical level of activity is still like that of a 4-year old.

Thats what his paediatrician told me. When he saw my 8-year old son at his clinic, he said that his activity level was much higher than others of his age group.

Psychiatric evaluation revealed that his intelliegence was above normal. We didn't want to give him drugs at that point. So we waited. He was in fifth standard and his grades dropped. I found it hard to digest that a small kid could actually fail in his class tests. But we had hit the wall by then. He simply found it hard to catch up. Thats when we contacted a phychiatrist. He put him on drugs immediatly.

This can be considered a starting point in the lives of two individuals, a mother and her son and their journey of hope and despair- a journey along rough road laden with sharp stones of criticism and slushy patches of guilt. The strong bond between the mother and son and hope and determination help her guide him forward. It's a different path and the obstacles are different and the journey challenging.

I, as his mother, want to do everything I can to make sure that he blooms to his fullest. I would never want to regret that there was something I could do and I didnt give my child a chance. I also do not want his younger sister or his father to be affected. Of course I know that I could ask for help if I wanted to.

Now he is 13 and we are at a critical juncture. And I thought putting my thoughts down would give me more clarity. It would also be good if other parents could connect with my thoughts. Here we go!